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Post subject: A trip to Wal-Mart
 Posted: Jul 16, 2007 - 11:02 AM
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Member
Joined: Sep 18, 2004
Posts: 5219
Location: standing here shaking my head in disbelief....
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Subject: A TRIP TO WAL-MART
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house. Mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit, shorts with the hole in the crotch, Old t-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job. Depending on your age you might do the following.
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in The mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your Hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from your buddy's bait shop and It says, "I Got Worms".
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose off the dog poop on your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your shorts. The girl running the register may be cute but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready too. Don't even notice the dog poop on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember that you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out Loud and you think someone called out your name. The old lady that greeted you at the front door went to school with you.
In your 90's:
Stop what you are doing. |
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Post subject:
Posted: Jul 16, 2007 - 04:25 PM
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Member
Joined: Dec 12, 2005
Posts: 10561
Location: Never you mind where I'm at! You don't need to be knowing! Snoops!
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Moan...degeneration is a mighty scary thing..I think about that stuff, too, even if I'm not a guy..I'm at the part right now where I try to stretch the t-shirt over the hole in the crotch and swipe some deodorant on. Too hell with the rest, I've already "bagged" my man.  It wouldn't matter if I was covered in mud up to my eyeballs he wouldn't care. Heck, he'd probably like it    |
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teilanikirk |
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Post subject:
Posted: Jul 16, 2007 - 05:41 PM
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Member
Joined: Jun 04, 2007
Posts: 145
Location: Texas
Status: Offline
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| I'm in my 40's, but I am at the point where I don't primp too much to go to Walmart. I would probably change my clothes and comb my hair. I've already caught my man, and he says that I look better than anyone else there anyway. No matter what I am wearing or how messed up my hair is! I think that he is just humoring me though, but I'm not going to stop him. They say that love is blind right? |
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LIVE AS IF YOU WERE TO DIE TOMORROW. LEARN AS IF YOU WERE TO LIVE FOREVER. GANDHI
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Post subject:
Posted: Jul 16, 2007 - 06:07 PM
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Member
Joined: Oct 24, 2002
Posts: 8215
Location: CA
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Oh...the HECK with That...
Just go grab the keys...drive over,run in store for product...and go over to the electronics area in the back corner, where nobody goes, pay for it and rush back out the door....any vapours left behind are just a momentary memory  |
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Post subject:
Posted: Jul 16, 2007 - 09:11 PM
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Joined: Oct 24, 2002
Posts: 3421
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| littlestar wrote: | | any vapours left behind are just a momentary memory |
Is there any other reason to go to Wal*Mart? I mean, besides to be seen talking on your new cell phone?  |
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vito |
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Post subject:
Posted: Jul 16, 2007 - 10:09 PM
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Member
Joined: Oct 24, 2002
Posts: 7444
Location: Southern CA.
Status: Offline
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| remember I fart in Walmart |
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Hate the game, not the players.
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Joe |
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Post subject:
Posted: Jul 17, 2007 - 12:09 AM
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Member
Joined: Oct 26, 2002
Posts: 1125
Status: Offline
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| Hummm, not good - I'm already acting 60... Oh well by the time I actually get there I'll be good at it! |
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Joe |
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Post subject:
Posted: Jul 17, 2007 - 12:11 AM
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Member
Joined: Oct 26, 2002
Posts: 1125
Status: Offline
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| vito wrote: | | remember I fart in Walmart |
Vito - That's just assumed. Give us the short list where you don't! |
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Post subject:
Posted: Jul 17, 2007 - 12:14 AM
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Joined: Aug 30, 2005
Posts: 10025
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I used to date a girl whose mother was a WalMart addict....
The woman would wake up planning a trip to WalMart..
She'd stay for an hour buying a piece of string for a
so-called project....just as soon as she returned, there was
something she forgot and had to go back to WalMart....
Rinse and Repeat......all day long  |
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Joe |
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Post subject:
Posted: Jul 17, 2007 - 12:17 AM
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Member
Joined: Oct 26, 2002
Posts: 1125
Status: Offline
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| Gornman wrote: | I used to date a girl whose mother was a WalMart addict....
The woman would wake up planning a trip to WalMart..
She'd stay for an hour buying a piece of string for a
so-called project....just as soon as she returned, there was
something she forgot and had to go back to WalMart....
Rinse and Repeat......all day long |
Did she have a husband? If so did she like him?? |
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Post subject:
Posted: Jul 17, 2007 - 12:20 AM
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Member
Joined: Aug 30, 2005
Posts: 10025
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| Joe wrote: | | Gornman wrote: | I used to date a girl whose mother was a WalMart addict....
The woman would wake up planning a trip to WalMart..
She'd stay for an hour buying a piece of string for a
so-called project....just as soon as she returned, there was
something she forgot and had to go back to WalMart....
Rinse and Repeat......all day long |
Did she have a husband? If so did she like him?? |
Yes, nobody liked her......except Sam Walton.................maybe  |
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vampyregirl |
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Post subject:
Posted: Jul 17, 2007 - 03:56 AM
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Member
Joined: Oct 26, 2002
Posts: 660
Location: Toledo, Ohio, USA
Status: Offline
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I just get up and go. If my hair is THAT bad, I throw on a ball cap.
Yes!!! We chicks wear ball caps too!!!
I'm certainly NOT going to Wal Mart to pick up anyone!! The closest one to me has extras from "Deliverance" shopping there!!!! No, not a pretty thing to face, but what are you gonna do??? |
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"I've hardly seen you at all this episode" -- Denny Crane
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Post subject:
Posted: Jul 17, 2007 - 04:01 AM
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Member
Joined: Aug 30, 2005
Posts: 10025
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Vampyregirl,
I thought of you recently. I saw a guy on a scooter
just like yours. He was very big and out on traffic, but
was putting along nicely...... |
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vampyregirl |
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Post subject:
Posted: Jul 17, 2007 - 04:08 AM
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Member
Joined: Oct 26, 2002
Posts: 660
Location: Toledo, Ohio, USA
Status: Offline
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Ha ha ha!!! I've had people go around me because they though I couldn't keep up with traffic. I had to show them otherwise!!!
I did get some very nice compliments on my decorating skills for it too. I put on flame decals. Gives it character.... |
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"I've hardly seen you at all this episode" -- Denny Crane
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Cuzsis |
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Post subject:
Posted: Jul 17, 2007 - 07:42 AM
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Member
Joined: Oct 24, 2002
Posts: 4212
Location: Outer Space ;)
Status: Offline
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Wal*Mart?! Pishaw! I don't dress up to go to Wal*Mart!
Plus folks running the cash register at the one "near" me, half the time don't speak very fluent English. 
As for stores in general. Eh, I'll be decent, but that's about it. I'm only going to come back and go back to work, so why bother?
Now if I'm going out on the town with my husband, then yeah. I'll spruce a bit. |
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